Here are some funny nurse jokes. Enjoy!
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A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. “This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”
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The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.
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Planning to cash her paycheck, a nurse walks into a bank. She reaches into her pocket to pull out a pen to sign her check. Instead of a pen, she finds she has pulled out a rectal thermometer from the pocket. She looks at the rectal thermometer in complete shock. “Oh no!” she states in disbelief. “Some asshole has my pen!”
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Nurse’s Prayer
Dear Lord: I pray for the Wisdom to understand my challenging patients;
Love to forgive them and
Patience for their moods.
Because, Lord, if I were to ask for Strength I would beat them to death.
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Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk.
Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.
The first nurse said, “I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear.”
The second nurse said, “I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees.”
The third nurse said, “Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer.”
The fourth nurse fainted.
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Walking into a hospital room, a nurse finds an elderly gentleman dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insists to her that he doesn’t need help leaving the hospital, but the nurse explains that hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
Reluctantly, he lets her wheel him to the elevator and down to the lobby. On the way to the front door, the nurse asks the man if his wife is meeting him there.
“I don’t know,” he replies. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
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Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs!
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A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.’”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
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I work as a pediatric nurse, and often have the painful job of giving shots to the children. One day upon entering the examining room to give a shot the little girl starting screaming “NO! NO! NO!”
“Jessica” her mother scolded, “that is not polite behavior!”
At that the girl continued to scream “NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!”
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Jack feel off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.
“Anything else?” The nurse asked.
“Yes,”Jack thinks for a while and said,”I’m a bachelor.”
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(Many thanks to Fry350 & BlackGryphOn for the images.)
Thanks for reading this coffee break tidbit on work Image may be NSFW.
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